As many of the people who read this blog know, I collected records for many years. My collection was passed back to me by my kids because they didn't want to hassle with it. My ex-wife died in 2007, and she was the one who tried to sell it while she was alive. The collection for me had become a symbol of the negative emotion I avoided by collecting. Somewhere along the line, the joy of music had grown dim, and the stress of compulsive behavior had become onerous.
I have been watching a little on television after not watching for several years. There are a couple of shows my wife likes that remind me of the emotional displacement that can be behind compulsive collecting. One show, called Hoarders, is especially sad, in that in most cases, there was a triggering negative event that began the compulsive hoarding. In the episode I saw last evening, a man's mother died, and he indicated he had begun hoarding shortly afterward. Among the things he "hoarded" were albums. He looked to have a substantial collection. It is impossible to know whether his albums were second hand store junk, or primo grade A collectibles.
For me the triggering event that began the collecting was a very horrible relationship with my first wife's family. Some of it was my fault, some of it was theirs. But, to shorten a long story, my walk down collecting boulevard began. When I was getting divorced, I traded the collection for not having to do a child support arrangement. The divorce and the trading was painful, but, I had a weight lifted off me, and I no longer collected. It was as if the transaction had taken my burden.
Later, there was a brutal property dispute case that pitted me against my ex in a battle over certain items. We won the suit, and the lawyer we had was instrumental in helping me understand how to testify. I understand some folks actually saw the court case minutes. I have had no such need to replay that awful time. I am now looking at music in the way it sustained me as a musician and as a music lover more each year that passes since that crazy case ended. Music has again brought me joy. I have a number of CDs, but am disposing of all of the vinyl I have except the items autographed personally to me, and it is liberating. I have lots to learn about selling, but as time has gone on I have slowly gotten the idea.
When I listen to music these days, it is pleasureable. The music I make or listen to has again brought me the great feelings I had before compulsion set in. My Collection, well, it is nowhere near what it was, but the music that I have, I listen to. I have developed a love for CD boxed sets, and find that they usually meet whatever need I have for listening with respect to a given artist. I don't really find having stuff that no one else has any kind of a rush anymore. Music is a gift, a spiritual one, and although it is boxed and sold, it ultimately is a human experience, not a box, or a jewel case, or a vinyl platter.
Live music has especially taken on new meaning for me, as I have realized that like any art, music is a form of communication between two perceptions, the artist's, and the listener's. Singing is a joy again, and listening to my kids sing is a bigger joy. They don't have an album out.....Like any vehicle for human joy, food, booze, substances, video games, and so forth, moderation is the key, and smaller is better.
Copyright 2013 by Peter Reum-All Rights Reserved
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