Once again, Peter Lacey has shared his inner thoughts with his listeners. There is a right of passage that occurs when as adults, our parents die and we are left without their company or wisdom. The losses that happen are a sign pointing toward our own reckoning with death, and the mystery it engenders. Peter's Wayward Song, the first side of the new vinyl single he has released through Pink Hedgehog Records. This song is a farewell of sorts, the feelings that a survivor has after the initial disbelief and grief of loss have gone. The challenge presented to survivors is twofold. First, there is the summation of the feelings and experiences a parent has given through a lifelong association. Second, there is the sorting of the lessons learned from the relationship. It is often stated that parents teach us what to do and what not to do from our observations and association with them. Some of the traits we admire are traits we want to emulate. Some of them are traits that we did not like in our parents and do not want to repeat.
It appears to me that Peter's association with his dad entailed somewhat of a loving yet also emotionally guarded relationship. Dads have a hard time expressing love and other intimate feelings to their sons, and the pain of losing our dads often is related to the difficulty we have in sharing our true feelings with them, even up to the end of their lives. The most important relationship in forming masculine behavior is with our fathers, The grief we have revolves around the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" feelings we have upon our father's death. The lesson Peter appears to be expressing here is don't wait too long to say what ever you want to say to your father. If he is emotionally distant, expressing your inner thoughts could move him to open his inner emotional life to us. Otherwise, he will die with love and other emotions unexpressed... a Song gone wayward.
The second side, Many Moons Ago, is a meditation upon a painting by a friend of Peter's. The painting depicts a tree with different circles and other shapes glistening under a full moon. The song is beautifully sung, and reminds me of some of Paul McCartney's best acoustic work, which I hope Peter will take as a compliment. The song's gentle tenderness suggests an older man recalling the beauty of a newfound love that lasted, possibly in marriage. Peter has a full-time job just being a husband and father, and his loving lyrics show that the love has lasted through good times and bad.
The painting entitled Many Moons Ago has a theme that to me resembles a family tree, with all of the generations represented in the boughs. Each generation loves, fights, wonders, dreams, and eventually has reminiscences. The wonder of life is that as humans we are both being and becoming. Our memories are somehow allowed to remain, forming our identity and personhood. The cells inside our body are completely replaced every three to four months.....yet somehow we view ourselves as being the same person day in and day out. The grief we experience is countered by the love we have been given and have returned in a lifelong cycle. The painful memories are coexistent with the lasting love that began with our parents and continues through our children.
The announcement regarding Peter's single has this quote from him directed to the listener of this single..."This song was born out of a number of losses in my world in 2013 (unlucky for some!). I had to say goodbye to my mum and dad and also to my job... Wayward Song is a conversation with myself. There's times when life throws a lot at you and it just seems too tough. But then, after a lot of talking to myself, I realized it all comes down to the fact you have to carry on. I don't think it's easy to imbue a song with sincerity. For me I feel I came close with this particular tune. I wonder if you agree?"
My answer is yes, Peter, I do agree. I am the last person alive from my childhood family, and I have seen two wives die before me. The memories, good and bad, are what lives on, until I die and my children experience the same feeling we have talked about here. Grief is a universal human experience, and thank heaven we have it, because we would wither on the Tree of Life if we didn't allow ourselves these feelings.
Peter's single may be purchased from www.PINKHEDGEHOG.com. It is available as a digital download or a vinyl single.
Copyright 2015 by Peter Reum-All rights reserved
It appears to me that Peter's association with his dad entailed somewhat of a loving yet also emotionally guarded relationship. Dads have a hard time expressing love and other intimate feelings to their sons, and the pain of losing our dads often is related to the difficulty we have in sharing our true feelings with them, even up to the end of their lives. The most important relationship in forming masculine behavior is with our fathers, The grief we have revolves around the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" feelings we have upon our father's death. The lesson Peter appears to be expressing here is don't wait too long to say what ever you want to say to your father. If he is emotionally distant, expressing your inner thoughts could move him to open his inner emotional life to us. Otherwise, he will die with love and other emotions unexpressed... a Song gone wayward.
The second side, Many Moons Ago, is a meditation upon a painting by a friend of Peter's. The painting depicts a tree with different circles and other shapes glistening under a full moon. The song is beautifully sung, and reminds me of some of Paul McCartney's best acoustic work, which I hope Peter will take as a compliment. The song's gentle tenderness suggests an older man recalling the beauty of a newfound love that lasted, possibly in marriage. Peter has a full-time job just being a husband and father, and his loving lyrics show that the love has lasted through good times and bad.
The painting entitled Many Moons Ago has a theme that to me resembles a family tree, with all of the generations represented in the boughs. Each generation loves, fights, wonders, dreams, and eventually has reminiscences. The wonder of life is that as humans we are both being and becoming. Our memories are somehow allowed to remain, forming our identity and personhood. The cells inside our body are completely replaced every three to four months.....yet somehow we view ourselves as being the same person day in and day out. The grief we experience is countered by the love we have been given and have returned in a lifelong cycle. The painful memories are coexistent with the lasting love that began with our parents and continues through our children.
The announcement regarding Peter's single has this quote from him directed to the listener of this single..."This song was born out of a number of losses in my world in 2013 (unlucky for some!). I had to say goodbye to my mum and dad and also to my job... Wayward Song is a conversation with myself. There's times when life throws a lot at you and it just seems too tough. But then, after a lot of talking to myself, I realized it all comes down to the fact you have to carry on. I don't think it's easy to imbue a song with sincerity. For me I feel I came close with this particular tune. I wonder if you agree?"
My answer is yes, Peter, I do agree. I am the last person alive from my childhood family, and I have seen two wives die before me. The memories, good and bad, are what lives on, until I die and my children experience the same feeling we have talked about here. Grief is a universal human experience, and thank heaven we have it, because we would wither on the Tree of Life if we didn't allow ourselves these feelings.
Peter's single may be purchased from www.PINKHEDGEHOG.com. It is available as a digital download or a vinyl single.
Copyright 2015 by Peter Reum-All rights reserved
Rubbish. He had no contact with his parents for 18 years. Did not visit them when they were dying and did not attend their funerals. Also,they died in 2012 not 2013.
ReplyDeleteWords without a song(from memory).He builds walls:walls to protect,walls to shield,walls to say he will not yield,or reveal who he is or how he really feels.He builds walls:walls to hide,walls to cover-up what's inside,walls to stare and look away.Silent lies.Walls to even block his eyes from the tears he should have cried.He builds walls:walls that never let him touch those he loved so very much.Walls that needed to fall.Walls meant to be a fortress became an attic prison after all.
DeleteIt always saddens me when a family is in conflict. Whatever may have happened between members of your family remains unresolved, and that is a result of conflicting perceptions. Whatever has taken place is done. Only the survivors can remedy the disagreements that remain. Life is too short to remain at loggerheads
ReplyDeleteI wish you peace,inside yourselves and between each other. My hopes are that you can express your feelings to each other, and actively work toward understanding others perspectives. Blessings to the whole Lacey family.