My friend Bob Hanes was someone who touched people deeply. He was someone that you couldn't just stay casual friends with. He was a person who inspired devotion in the people who crossed his path. If you stayed in contact with him, he took pains to get to know you. In going back through past correspondence with him, I am still amazed at how well he sized people up, shared himself and his experiences, and knew when to back off. He was someone who had human dimensions. He told me he had had a ton of anxiety, and he had no problem admitting that he was better off working part-time than trying to work full-time. He had dealt with past negative behavior in his own life, and didn't mind sharing his experience, strength, and hope.
Bob was am exceptional athlete. He pole vaulted in the mid Sixties for the University of Oregon, and had extensive contacts within he sports world, including 1968 Olympic High Jump Gold Medalist Dick Fosbury. Bob understood how to coach pole vaulters, and had a number of his pole vaulters, triple jumpers, and long jumpers finish as Oregon State Champions in those varied events. In his last few years, while living with cancer, he coached one of the top female pole vaulters nationally.
Bob was introduced to me through Derek Bill, and for many years, we didn't know what each other looked like, despite spending probably an hour a week on the phone for 25 years. Bob was one person who shared whatever he had, be it knowledge, books, cassette tapes, or friends. Bob was a guy who could not, and would not be stifled by any forces he deemed out of order. He was not intimidated by people or forces that would guard whatever he thought needed to be shared. He consequently was a literal traffic intersection for a number of interests with a wide variety of people from disparate backgrounds. He did not suffer bureaucrats or fools easily, and had no trouble letting them know that he was irritated with them. There were no pretensions with Bob, and he was who he was, whether talking to politicians, collectors, or teenagers.
Bob coached at South Eugene High School, and worked hard to raise money for increasingly difficult to fund track and field equipment, repaving of the running track, and other needs the student athletes had. The kids he coached were not silver spoon kids. They were the children of working class people who did not have unlimited funds to throw at their sons and daughters. Bob had no problems walking up to Eugene area businessmen, high rollers, and other fat cats and asking them outright for $5000 for his kids. Bob was fearless in this regard.
Bob was absorbed with the music of Brian Wilson, and loved The Beach Boys. He had an extensive collection that was one of the best in he world. He had an uncanny talent for finding a way to be able to not only find rare records and music, but to share it. When my ex-wife sued me for property that she said was hers, it looked bleak. I had had a Beach Boys discographer, his friend, and 8 Bernalillo County Sheriff's deputies in my living room seizing the property I had that was disputed one afternoon when my second wife and I were at our accountants. Bob sent me $1000 no strings attached to help me retain an attorney who eventually helped my wife and I win the property dispute.
Time marched on, and I became less involved in The Beach Boys, but more and more enriched by the friendship Bob and I had. He sent me books about the negative effect of sugar on the body years before it was common knowledge. My spirituality was enhanced by articles and books he forwarded to me. In 2002, we finally met in person, and he spent an evening with me listening to Brian Wilson and his Band play some extraordinary music at The Roxy. He supported and encouraged many people in that fine ensemble, including Wondermints members. We were amused at our appearances when we met, because neither of us was how we had pictured each other. Bob invited me to Eugene to hear Smile in 2005 on the last leg of Brian Wilson's two year tour. I piled into my old car and drove across Montana, Idaho, and Oregon to get to Eugene. I met Bob and Kandi's son, a magician, and got to hear Brian and a few group members do a little intimate show live the afternoon before Smile.
Bob always credited Kandi with saving his life when he was wrestling with chemical dependence, and did not hesitate to praise her at every opportunity. In meeting Kandi, it was apparent that she was the center of his life, and his biggest supporter. Things went back to our weekly phone calls, until one day, he called me and told me he had cancer. The news made me shudder, because so many of my friends had struggled with that disease. I was blessed to have biweekly reports from Kandi about Bob's fight, and for awhile, it looked positive. He then one day told me that he was in stage 4, and that his odds of living were very slim. Despite the experience I had with cancer, it was as if a lightning bolt had hit me. Bob was a person who remained as active as he could for as long as he could. Toward the end of his life, I grew guilty about calling, because I could tell he wanted to talk, but did not have much stamina. The last time we talked, he went out of his way to help me cope with HIS prognosis. I called on the 4th of July, 2010, and Kandi said his family had gathered, and that Bob was heavily medicated. When I called again on July 5th,she told me he had passed the previous night.
It was the end of a 35 year friendship, and I did my best to speak with other people who contacted me about his passing. His impact upon people was so strong. His passing left such a huge hole in the lives of the people he loved and was friends with. I remember when Brian Wilson was touring and came to Eugene, and Bob went out of his way to help the Wilsons, and their entourage, to feel loved and supported. Bob dropped everything for several days to make sure the folks who were touring had what they needed. Bob was one of the first people to reach out to them, and his affection for Brian's first and second families was unreserved.
We are left wondering why such a man was taken so young. The world has been poorer for Bob's absence. He is now a memory that will not go away, a presence who still fills me with admiration and respect. Most of all, he was a man full of passion---for sports, for music, for books, for his family and friends. He was a man who did not allow banal things to ruin his passion for life. His life meant so much to so many people, and what could be greater than that?
No comments:
Post a Comment